You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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