Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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