Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
