so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
