Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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