there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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