I bet he comes in French.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
