We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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