im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
