im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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