i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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