I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
