I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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