I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize