This dress was meant to end up on your floor
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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