Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
