I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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