Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
