I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
