I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
