he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
