I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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