my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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