sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
