Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
