Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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