There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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