We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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