I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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