Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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