I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
