Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
