Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
