I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
