the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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