I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
