moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
