If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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