as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are two peas in an std pod
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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