Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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