I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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