In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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