Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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