haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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