last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
