The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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