After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
