Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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