just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
