How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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