A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
