I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
