Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
