is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
