he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
