i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
