it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
