Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
