HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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