Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
