youre lurking in front of me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
