Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
