sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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