She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
