i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
