I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dicks are not precious.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
