I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
