Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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