Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
