ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
