Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
